I'm getting married on 15th August to a lady-lady named 'Michelle'.
I wanted to do something special to mark the occasion and then I (inadvertently) stumbled upon a video by a chap named 'Pitbull', and I have to say I was inspired.
His impressive ability to degrade and hypersexualise women coupled with repetitive references to various types of accommodation really won me over.
I thought to myself "girls must really like that", so this song was born.
Here is a confession. There is a reference in this song to 'Megan Trainor's All About That Bass'. A reference I made even though I had never actually listened to the track.
After having heard (and been somewhat bemused by) the lyric "it's all about that bass" I had consulted a couple of bandmates (who are equally as out-of-touch with society as myself) and we had concluded that it was alluding to a preference for 'bottoms' (i.e. 'bass) rather than 'boobies' (i.e. treble).
Subsequently, I have since heard the song, and realised the intended, relatively commendable meaning of that lyric/song.
Therefore, I must apologise for the following:
1) The derogatory manner in which I referenced the song.
2) Making judgements based on presumption rather than fact.
3) Implying that Michelle is fat.
Sorry everybody.
lyrics
Yeah, This is my song for my girl,
Her name's Michelle,
And we're totes getting married,
For real,
Yeah I love you Michelle,
I'll take you to the Motel,
Don't you worry baby; it's an American word for 'hotel'
I'll give you all the intel,
Call you up on your cell,
Don't you worry baby; it's an American word for 'mobile phone'
Yeah, I really dig you Michelle,
If you were a flower bed,
I'd be a trowel,
Yeah you're totally great, and baby I cannot wait,
To make you officially my bitch, when we get hitched,
'Cause You're a beautiful babe,
And you've got something I crave,
To quote an idiotic idiom
"It's all about that bass",
Yeah, you've got great lady bits,
So sit on my face,
That's not a euphemism,
It's a literal instruction,
Now come on sugar, help me to erect my construction,
How many more metaphors do you need for intercourse?
No, seriously.
Am I being too subtle?
Yeah I love you Michelle,
I'll take you to the Motel,
Don't you worry baby; it's an American word for 'hotel'
Yeah I love you Michelle,
Smeghead Steve je m'appelle,
Did you know I could speak French and American as well?
Yeah baby, you're so sweet,
You're like a sweet,
One being an adjective, the other a noun,
You put the 'honey' in 'honeymoon',
We'll be dining in Wetherspoons
So come on girl get on down and work it for me now,
I'm gonna fatuously, vacuously objectify you to the nth degree,
This is the music industry,
And nothing sells like misogyny,
You're so fine, a beautiful design,
And sometimes in my mind,
You're just a walking vagina,
So give it to me, give it to me, give it to me, yeah,
Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me, yeah,
And in this context the pronoun 'it' refers to 'sex',
And/or your aforementioned vagina,
So come on,
Come on,
Come on,
Comment tu t'appelle?
Elle s'appelle Michelle,
Yeah I love you Michelle,
I'll take you to the Motel,
Don't you worry baby; it's an American word for 'hotel',
Yeah I love you Michelle,
You can ring on my bell,
Thinking about you causes my genital organs to swell,
I'm gonna take you to the mother-flipping club,
Any club you want,
I'm gonna take you to the mother-flipping club
Any club you want,
I'm gonna take you to the mother-flipping club
As long as entrance is less than $30,
I'm gonna take you to the mother-flipping club
That's approximately £19.20,
I'm gonna take you to the mother-flipping club
Combined total, not each,
I'm gonna take you to the mother-flipping club
Where we can do all the club things,
I'm gonna take you to the mother-flipping club
I'll even throw in a kebab,
Yes I love you Michelle,
I'll take you to the Motel,
Don't you worry baby; it's an American word for 'hotel'
I'll take you to the Motel,
Take you to the Hotel,
I've got a thing for places one can temporarily dwell,
Yeah I love you Michelle,
I'll take you to the Motel,
I'll love you through the front door
And the back one as well,
I make music that makes me laugh. Sometimes it makes other people laugh too.
I make silly
music for silly people.
WARNING: I can be quite offensive. I'm generally quite nice, but I have a dark, sometimes morally dubious, sense of humour, so I apologise in advance for anything and everything I produce. Personally, I blame the parents....more
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